Old love letters

    The students all laughed at me , Why did I run from the northernmost part of China to this city in the south . I only know that , My future is far away , So I just want to keep myself away from home , Further away . So unconsciously , I came to the southernmost tip of the continent .

    Time flies , Open the desk calendar , I found that a year has passed , I , But did not see my future , There is no trace , And I got sick . No kidding , I don't know what it is , I just feel sick , Very sick , Every day my heart is empty , Want to fill it with something , But I found that I had nothing .

    Just arrived in this city , I rented the first rental house I saw . The whole building looks 30 years old , When I was not born , It stands right here , Quietly contain people who come to this city to find their dreams . My room is a small independent room separated from three bedrooms and one living room . Because on the first floor , The so-called balcony is actually my gate , The interior of the balcony was changed into a kitchen and bathroom . Going inside is my bedroom , Which is my living room , There is only a simple bed inside , A table , And a wardrobe older than this house . That wardrobe is about my father's age , Maybe even older . And the tenants who looked at the first few hands had not used it , It seems that no one has moved for several years , Because it is covered with ash that may take a hundred years to accumulate . The wardrobe was painted bright red , Although after years of wind , It has turned dark red , But it seems that it should be the dowry of an old man , There is also a double happiness at the top of the cabinet . The paint was not painted carefully , Drops of oil are crawling on the cabinet , Dotted with this cabinet that should have looked solemn . If it's wet weather , Those oil drops will be so soft that they can stick to your hands .

    The house is simple , But I have everything I want , I was so stupid that I didn't pay back the price that day , Paid the money directly , I rented it . Later I learned that the rent was too high , For me, who just came out to work, the pressure is still very big . Fortunately, the landlord is kind , Never mentioned the rent increase .

    Soon , I got my first job . From that day on , My life is like clockwork , Go to work every day 、 after work 、 get home , Go to work 、 after work 、 get home , So back and forth . Life is the same for me every day . Besides going to the library every week , I have never left this room . After the work , Although I can see many people every day , These people I call colleagues , besides , There are few friends around who can be called friends . At work, I may have a chat with my colleagues , But after work , They return to their homes with only a few square meters , Living a life we don't know if we can call it happiness . And my classmates are far away in the North , after a considerable period of time , There are fewer topics , Last , There was basically no phone call . Just occasionally QQ Let's ask about the recent situation , After twoorthree sentences, I hurried to end with ha ha .

    “ mom , I'm fine , Never mind . Several colleagues were called to make dumplings the other day . I'll be back in the Spring Festival .” I Taotao kept saying . Every time I would make my mother at the other end of the phone laugh , I was born to be her pistachio . But when I put down my cell phone , The smile on my own face naturally disappeared . honestly , I've thought about it many times , I won't come back after the Spring Festival . Just another self in my heart always castigates this weak me , Constantly torture yourself , Ask yourself if you still remember the dream that seems to exist and not exist .

    Over the weekend , I went to the library as usual . I have read all the books I borrowed last week , I'm thinking about what books to borrow . A figure bumped into my eyes , And into my heart . Curly hair cascaded down , black T T-shirt and grey jeans . All of a sudden, I felt like I had an electric shock , Look at her foolishly . When making eye contact with her , I felt as if I had seen her somewhere . And she acted as if she knew me , Then we passed by . When I want to find her again , She doesn't know where to go .

    On that day , I haven't borrowed any books , Only her image is in my mind . Lying in bed , I hate why I stayed like that , I didn't even think of going to talk to her . all night , She is the only one in my mind , That vague and deep face , I can't think about it 20 Methods , Wondering how to see her again .

    the second day , I hummed a tune , Walk briskly into the office . My colleague joked ：“ What's the good thing , In such a good mood ？” I smile and say ：“ It's okay , Good weather .” Just then , A figure appeared in the distance , Black shirt , Add a long dark blue dress , Curly hair in a ponytail . I didn't expect to see her again so soon .

    She came this way , My heart is beating faster and faster . Just as my heart was about to burst , She suddenly stopped in our office area , Come to me . My heart beat down my throat , Choked his throat . She said something , I didn't catch a word , Just don't know how to answer , Colleagues said ：“ That's ok , I'll hand it in later .” She smiled politely at her colleague , His eyes fell on him , Then say to my colleagues ：“ thank you ！” Turn around and go . I was looking for him . I came back to my senses , Busy ask ：“ Who is she ？” The colleague said softly ：“ The new intern , From the personnel department . It's called Ivy.” My colleague looked at me , A bad laugh , Nothing to say , Back to work .

    For days on end , I'm not in the mood , Always looking forward to her passing . I felt that she also looked at me from time to time , And then it passed by . I naively thought , Is she paying attention to me ？

    Work overtime very late ,9 Much point , Finally, I arrived at my house , I suddenly noticed the mailbox in front of the door . The mailbox has a history of about ten years , The red paint was going to fade , Into a soft and strange pink , If it weren't for a lot of rust , In fact, it's pretty good . The box is too full to be full , The last electricity bill is only 10 One third is stuck in the mailbox , Pitifully drifting in the wind . I remembered that the landlord had given me a key , Said it was a mailbox . Can't , I had to go back to the house and take the key , Run briskly back outside , Opened the mailbox . As soon as the box is opened , All the paper is pouring down , The feeling is that the water has broken the dike . I seem to hear the cheers of freedom . They have electricity and water bills in them , There are a lot of flyers , And garbage , also ... A letter . There is no recipient's name on the letter , The date is 10 month 16 Number , It was yesterday . I carried these free guys into the house , The letter is on the top .

    Go back to the house , I took a close look at the letter . The envelope has turned yellow , The date is right 10 month 16 Number , But the year is 1988 year . I have always been proud of my self-discipline , I also think I am a very cultured person , therefore , Out of respect for personal privacy , I solemnly put the letter on my desk , Ready to leave it there intact .

    night , Why is it so long ？ Until the early morning , I'm not asleep , I have been thinking of her . Suddenly confused for a while , I dreamed that she slipped me a letter . The envelope is yellow with years . Then smile at me , Walked away lightly . When my heart is like a deer bumping to open a letter , But I couldn't open the letter anyway . then , I'm awake . His eyes fell on the yellowed letter on the table for a long time . There is a strong voice telling me , That's her letter to me . I kept suppressing this absurd idea , But it is hard to resist . Final , I still lost . knife , Gently cut open the envelope , The envelope squeaked in the quiet night , It seems to be laughing at my hypocrisy and my bad behavior now . My heart beats faster and faster , His hand solemnly took the letter paper out of the envelope . The letter paper is still white , But I unfolded it carefully , I'm afraid it will break when I open it .

    “ I don't know who you are , I don't know your name , But , I have fallen in love with you . The moment I first saw you , My heart no longer belongs to me . Who are you? , What will you think after receiving this letter ？ I dare not think , I don't want to think about . I am just an ordinary girl , Full of hope for life , Then the dream brought me here , Come to this city that should not have me . But it doesn't make me feel the profusion of dreams , But let loneliness torment me every day . It's you , Brought me sunshine , Let me look forward to every day . I just hope to have a word with you one day , Even a sentence ‘ Hello ！’ It also makes me satisfied . I guess you don't know who I am , It doesn't matter , I just want to say what I mean , That's it .”

    I took a deep breath of air conditioning , Sigh softly . I know that those beautiful words are not written for me , That adoration is not for me , But I can't control my own thoughts . I think of the writer as her , The one who makes me sleepy . For a moment , I almost thought it was a letter to me , But the yellowish envelope pulled me back to reality again and again , That won't be mine . I'm just a mean and shameless peeper , That's it .

    the second day , I walked drowsily to my seat , She and the letter were still hovering in my mind . At this time , She passed my seat again , I looked at her foolishly , No matter how rude it is . When two people make eye contact , She looked at me in surprise , Then he lowered his head like an electric shock , Then he quickened his pace , Disappeared into my sight .

    On that day , I did a lot of things wrong , He also made a mess of his colleagues' things , They were badly hurt , They almost had to work overtime . Keep apologizing , I know I'm wrong . But at that moment , My heart hates my work , I even hate my innocent colleagues . I really want to fly back to my little house , In my world , Waiting for a letter that may not be sent to me again , Waiting for the missing and talking that doesn't belong to me . And that whole day , I never saw her pass by again .
    10 month 20 Japan , I went to open the mailbox that had become deserted for several days in a row . I even pity it , Because I make it become like my heart , Nothing . This day , I've become normal . The work was done quickly , Back very early , Before the sun goes down , I went back to my little world , Ready to check the bottom of the mailbox again , Because I think it must still be empty . It's just , It made fun of me , Because there was a letter lying on the inside . The envelope seems to have been under something for years , Unusually flat , Except the edges are a little yellowish , The whole envelope was white . The postmark says ,1988 year 10 month 20 Japan .
    Unfold the letter , Same font , Writing different sentences ：“ I walked up and down the road in front of your house today , Longing to see you again . Just take a sneak look at you , I'll be satisfied . I walked for five hours , But I didn't see you . Are you all right? ？ It was the last letter that made you recognize me , Deliberately avoid me ？ I just hope you are all right .”
     I suddenly felt guilty , It seems that she is waiting for me . Will she come again tomorrow ？ Although I deeply understand , I can't wait for her . But , That night, , I didn't sleep , And then the next day , I took a day off , I walked back and forth in front of my house for five hours , Until the cold wind wakes me up . I don't know what I'm waiting for , But deep in my soul, I stubbornly believe that I know I am waiting for her , And she will appear in front of me . Songs floated from afar , I couldn't help singing along .
    Busy people pass by me , There is not even time to cast strange eyes . I think I am like them every day , Busy , Think you have a direction , But it's just to keep busy so that you don't think you're lost . The cold autumn wind blew me 5 Hours , Let my soul freeze , I think I should wake up , And then I went back .
    It's dawn , I went into the office again , I am exhausted , Almost collapsed on my office chair , The chair squeaked in protest .“ You are a John Chen Ba ？” All of a sudden , I look back , The whole person almost bounced up , That's her voice , Right behind me , It's my name . Maybe I'm too big , It scared her a little , Her original leaning body retreated a little . She was wearing a dark blue dress , The skirt is knee high , There are some lace on the upper body , The whole effect is a bit like a Gothic costume , But without losing dignity . Her skin is very white , The nose is high , A pair of big eyes seems to let me into the depths of her soul . I stood up , She only got to where my glasses were . I'm a little overwhelmed , Just nodded . She smiled , Pick up a form ：“ You asked for leave yesterday ？ Would you please fill in , Ask your manager to sign your leave slip .” I've come back to my senses , Take the watch and say ：“ Oh , well . Thank you ,Ivy.” She smiles , And said, ：“ Have I seen you in the library , It seems that you often go to the library .”“ Oh , I go every weekend .” In fact, there are hundreds of ways to answer in my heart , But I chose the most insipid one . She kept her smile , Say mischievously ：“ I know it .” Then waved away , Signaled that her work was finished . I stretched out my hand half way , Then he nodded foolishly .
    The next few weeks , I still go to the library every week , I just didn't see her again . In the office , I just met him in the aisle and nodded . After a few days of recovery, I fell ill again , Emptiness found me . But I seem to have forgotten the letter .
    The third letter ,1988 year 12 month 5 Japan . The letter is not well preserved , The envelope turns yellow , Some places have been torn open . On the day of receipt , yes 12 month 24 Japan .“ Christmas is twenty days away , On that day , I'll go . Leave the city , Back to my hometown , My long departed hometown . On that day , Can I see you for the last time ？ This is my favorite photo , I like my carefree smile at that time . Look at it , You can recognize me on that day , Recognize this silly girl . If you don't want to see me , Please keep it , I will bless you forever .”
    2008 year 12 month 25 Japan , I stood in the cold wind all day , Just in front of my house . I was thinking , Was it like this twenty years ago ？ Is the tree in front of the door so tall ？ I keep laughing at myself for being stupid , I know I can't wait , But still standing there , Never leave . With her picture on her chest , On the yellow photo paper , A girl showed a naive smile , Like an angel sent by God . She will return to her heaven on this day , I just want to keep her on earth . For that 20 Years ago, he , The boy that the girl missed deeply , Keep his angel for him . I don't know if I can get happiness , But , I really hope they can be happy .20 Years ago this day , They met , Still missed ？ Are they far apart , Only the woman who may have been a mother is accidentally touched by the light silk of memory , Think of 20 This one years ago “ Stupid thing ”, Think of this pure love ？
    The cold wind and icy rain at Christmas knocked me down , My heart is frozen . Pneumonia didn't completely beat me , Only emptiness and confusion gave me a fatal blow . I didn't go to work , Only talk to the company about pneumonia , Then I fell asleep day and night .
    On the third day , The doorbell rang . I don't know whether it was day or night , Is it morning or afternoon . I feel like it's been hundreds of years . The doorbell kept ringing , Protesting , If I don't open the door, it won't stop . I just opened the door lazily , The glare of the sun came into my room . The first person I saw was her , Although she is not in the front . then , I saw some of my colleagues , Carrying fruit with a giggle , He entered my room without saying anything . I haven't realized that my messy room shouldn't be let in , Especially her . The moment I realized , She's already helping me clean my desk , Everyone tried to find everything in my house to sit on , And sat down impolitely , The only place I can sit in the bed . I managed to squeeze myself into the crowd , Being interviewed by everyone .
    In an hour , The visiting group headed by personnel left my small world . And left behind , Only her concerned expression towards me . How real that expression is , It's just , It's just a genuine concern for colleagues , Nothing else . But that has been a long time I can not calm down . I suddenly feel much better , I decided to tidy up my room , So that colleagues will not look so bad when they come back .
    I opened the closet that I don't think anyone has used for hundreds of years , When I was ready to put my things in . There is an old wall calendar that I don't know which year it is , It should be so that the clothes do not come into direct contact with the cabinet and are laid there . I found it under the calendar , Pressing a piece of colorful things . I hit the cabinet door wider , So that I can get that picture . The cabinet door squeaked , How light , But it seems that the door has been opened for centuries . I looked at the picture , I don't know what I looked like , Maybe I laughed ？ I saw a family of three , They laughed happily . The daughter tugged at her mother's clothes , The mother snuggled up to her husband , It seems that that is her whole world . And she , It was the one I had been waiting for all day at Christmas .
    A new day is about to begin , I know happiness doesn't come to me by itself , Confusion and emptiness are self seeking , So happiness can also be found with your own efforts , Even if God doesn't send the letter to the person it wants to go to , But happiness will not be unable to deliver . And the one in my heart , I know it hasn't started yet , But I hope she can come with me , To the end of this life .