After reading the hated courage

Preface ：
《 The courage to be hated 》 To a large extent, this book sobers us up with sharp words , There may be some ideas that can't be digested for a while , But it makes sense to think about it carefully .

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The first night ： Whose fault is our misfortune

    Two big psychological giants fight with immortals , Adler's teleology subverts Freud's theory of cause ！ After reading the book, you will find , Cause theory is always making excuses for our failure to move forward , It seems perfect , It has nothing to do with you , But it hinders your room for progress . Although some words of teleology pierce the heart , Will pierce your excuse , But it's the gas station that makes you better .

    Adler's teleology says ：“ No matter what happened in my previous life , It has no effect on how to spend your life in the future ”. If we always rely on cause theory , Will never move forward . Just like what everyone says ,“ I want to have her face , I must be better than her ”. in fact , This is making excuses for yourself . Ideas that really make you better , Should be “ It is because I was not born as good as her , I should take good care of my skin , In the day after tomorrow's efforts to improve ”

    Your misfortune is not due to your past or circumstances , It's not because you're incompetent , Just lack the courage to get happiness , Because they often face changes “ uneasy ” With the constant “ discontent ”, We chose the latter . We are choosing not to change .

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The next night ： All troubles come from relationships

    Born a , It is impossible to break away from social relations . sometimes , We are afraid of being hated by others , Then they dare not socialize . It sounds that the cause theory is linked to the inferiority complex . The book says that inferiority complex refers to the state of using your inferiority complex as an excuse .“ Because of low education , So I can't succeed ” etc. . A sense of inferiority may exist in everyone . But the right sense of inferiority is because of something , So I will redouble my efforts to become better . And the inferiority complex is because of something , So I can't succeed .

    The more conceited people are, the more inferior they are . If anyone is arrogant , That must be because he has a sense of inferiority , A person who makes a point of boasting , In fact, it shows that you have no confidence in yourself , Want to show off your excellence , If you don't show off , I can't feel the approval of the people around me , This is a kind of superiority complex .

    But in fact Who cares about your looks , Only you .

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The third night ： To hell with those who interfere in your life

    The pursuit of recognition , Stifle freedom . If everything we do is to be recognized by others , Live in the expectation of others , That would be self - defeating . Do everything with a purpose , Not necessarily a good thing .

    If you do the right thing, you will be praised , And doing inappropriate things will be punished , Adler criticized this kind of reward and punishment education , Because it will lead to a wrong way of life , Namely ‘“ If no one praises , I will not do good . If no one punishes , I also do bad things ”’. We don't live for what others expect .

    Judaism says ：“ If you don't live for yourself , Who else will live for themselves ？”

    The closest to life , When we were young, our parents often compared our academic achievements . It seems that only those who study well are parents' pride . A lot of education doesn't tell you what you study for , The first signature of the test paper seems to meet the expectations of others . When I grow up , Between facing the job you are interested in and the public office arranged by your parents , You have chosen a plain public office , You are not very excited , Even a little dissatisfied , But in the face of parents' expectations and unknown “ uneasy ”, You keep walking down this road , Because walking on the paved track , As long as you're still on track , You won't get lost . And choose the path you decide , You may get lost or even face “ How to survive ” The problem of . In a comfortable environment, how many people can firmly say no to it ？ This is why there is a saying that the rich can not be more than three generations .

    therefore , Have you ever thought about what kind of life you want ？ Have you changed for it ？

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The fourth night ： Have the courage to be hated

    You are not the center of the world , Just the center of the world map , You are not RMB , Not everyone likes it . I saw a sentence on Tiktok before ,“ I have three million fans , Even if there is 2/3 People hate me , Then there are 100w People like me ”. It's the same without fans , Even if our wechat circle of friends only 1000 people , There may be 600 People hate me , But there are also 400 People like me . There will always be people who don't like your style , So what? , I don't live for you .

    As long as there is , It's worth it , If there is value, there is courage . Build for everyone ” Different but equal “ Horizontal relationship of , instead of “ You did a good job ” The vertical relationship between . Not being judged by others ” very good “, But subjectively we can think that “ I can contribute to others ”, Only in this way can we truly realize our value .

    There is a horizontal and vertical difference between praise and thanks . When will there be praise ？ The superiors praise the subordinates , The teacher praised the students , Parents praise their children . It's all a sense of belonging , When you want to praise , More or less “ manipulation ” consciousness . If someone has done something valuable to you , The best way to build horizontal relationships is “ thank ”. For example, the child poured you a glass of water , Try it out “ Thank you baby ” Instead of “ You did a good job ”.

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The fifth night ： Live in the present

    Not self affirmation , It's about accepting yourself . Even if you get it 60 There is no need to be pessimistic . The important thing is that I accept 60 Divide yourself , Find a way to get 100 branch . Instead of just thinking about yourself 60 branch . That is to say , Accept the reality of this i , Then take the courage to change .

   “ lord , Please give me peace , To accept what I can't change ; Give me courage , To change what I can ; Give me wisdom , Distinguish the difference between the two ”

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