当前位置：网站首页>"Six pillars of self esteem" self esteem comes from one's own feelings

A common saying is ” One day “, I will read books one day ; I will write articles one day ; I will lose weight one day and so on , But the end result is nothing .

This is an evasive mentality , What we should do is to avoid the mentality of escape , Take the initiative . Action itself is an effective action to improve self-esteem .

2、 Self acceptance

Self acceptance has three meanings ：

First of all , Stand on your side , Support yourself . It is a kind of self value orientation and self commitment .

second , We are willing to experience , Be true to yourself , Neither deny nor escape .

Third , Be compassionate , Be your friend . such as , You made a mistake in your work today , Don't criticize yourself too much , You should comfort yourself from the perspective of friends . Allow yourself to fail .

3、 Self responsibility

Self responsibility is to be responsible for realizing your wishes ; Be responsible for your choices and actions ; Be responsible for the level of consciousness in your work ; Be responsible for your interpersonal relationship and so on . You should be responsible for all the decisions you make , Because the sense of self responsibility is reflected in the positive orientation of life .

In this world , No one can save us from independence , No labor and effort , Independence is out of the question

4、 Self affirmation

There is an obstacle to self affirmation , Is timidity . It can lead to the real self hiding or being strangled , To avoid conflict with others , Or to please others .

And true self affirmation , Is willing to stand up for yourself , Protect yourself openly , Respect yourself in all interpersonal interactions

5‘ A purposeful life

We live and act according to our intentions , To enjoy a high degree of control over life

PS： In addition to living according to your own wishes , There is also the possibility according to their own conditions , Try to enhance your ability

6、 Personal honesty

When behavior is consistent with values 、 When ideal and practice coincide , We have integrity .

3、 ... and 、 The level of self-esteem

In dealing with people with similar self-esteem to us , We will feel more comfortable 、 More at home . 　

The best sign of low self-esteem , There is a search in the subconscious 、 The desire of people who are not as good as themselves .

When we are driven by fear , Sooner or later, we will promote the disaster we fear .
When self-esteem is low , Our ability to cope with life's bad luck disappears .

If we respect ourselves , Our actions often prove , Strengthen this awareness . For example, we will ask others to pay attention to the way we interact .
If we don't respect ourselves , Our behavior tends to reduce our value , For example, we will accept the rude treatment of others , This will further confirm our sense of self denial .

such as , Lack of self-esteem will make us have no principles and bottom lines , Naturally accept others' rudeness

People with low self-esteem encounter The setback never recovered , abandon , hesitate to press forward .
People with high self-esteem are just the opposite , They will not be knocked down by too many difficulties , Be able to cheer up quickly

When there is no internal conflict in our sense of self-esteem , Joy, not fear, is our driving force .

What we expect is to experience happiness , Instead of avoiding suffering .
Our goal is self realization , Not self avoidance or Self Justification .
Our motivation is not to prove our value , But to realize the possibilities offered by life . 　　

We need to know who we are , And be self-centered . We need to know what is important to us . Otherwise, we will easily drift in front of foreign values , Pursue and nurture goals unrelated to self .
If a woman's self is not perfect , Potential or talent is not fully developed , Nor can we find the meaning of the core of life , You will lack confidence 、 Without a sense of value , Try to use the important people around ── zhang Husband 、 children 、 Parents 、 Brothers and sisters 、 Relatives, etc ── To get some temporary 、 Easy to change satisfaction . This state of mind is full of longing and expectation , If the people around us don't match our projection Standards or expectations , There will be disappointment and frustration . That's why I feel “ Born for love , Willing to devote his life to love ” Women in love are often frustrated
Poor self-esteem not only hinders the development of ideas , It may even distort the mind . If we think we have a bad reputation , At the same time, I want to define the motivation of some behaviors , We will make urgent 、 Defensive reaction , Twist your mind , Make yourself stand in front of Mount Tai and disappear . perhaps , Out of guilt and petty self-awareness , Our explanation of self behavior deviates from the logical direction , And go to the extreme of destruction , Put us in the aura of moral inferiority . By that time , Only self condemnation is most appropriate . perhaps , When we are unjustly accused by others , We will feel helpless , It cannot be refuted . We will find their blame quite reasonable , And for a heavy heart ：「 How did I decide ？」 Feel paralyzed 、 Physical and mental exhaustion . The foundation and motivation of low self-esteem is not confidence but fear . Its basic goal is not to live , But to escape the horror of life . The desire to control everything is not creativity , It's a sense of security . What you learn from others is not the opportunity to contact real life , But to escape moral constraints , Beg to be forgiven and accepted , Even being cared for to some extent
The process of building self-esteem ： Need to practice , Not immediately after reading the book
In the connotation of self-esteem , None of them comes from others , It all comes from your own feelings .

Subject to separate , Cut your own subject apart from others , Manage your own subject , Don't interfere with others' topics . This is actually “ Stable high self-esteem ” One of the secrets of .

PS： This is similar 《 The courage to be hated 》 Topics in separate topics

Four 、 How to evaluate a person's self-esteem

1. Self evaluation . A person can clearly recognize his own advantages and disadvantages , The overall evaluation of yourself is positive , Encounter major events , Still feel good about yourself , Believe in solving it by yourself , And adjust your state , Face up to .

2. self-love . Will not allow the outside world to easily hurt themselves . Because they can accept their own advantages in their hearts , Can also accept their shortcomings .

Such as , A person who doesn't love himself , Does he love himself , It depends on whether the outside world loves him

3. self-confidence . Confidence means , Believe that you can complete a task , If something goes beyond your ability , Be able to accept the fact that you can't accomplish it , It doesn't make you feel incompetent .

Examples of low self-esteem ： The movie 《 The life of the abandoned matsuko 》 in , A sentence written by the heroine Songzi on the wall , Songzi's sister is weak and sick , Father put all his heart on his sister , She can't get her father's love , Unexpectedly, I found that making faces can make my father happy , So I often use this way to make him happy . When I was a child, I flattered my father , When you grow up, you keep pleasing good people , Longing for love but never getting love , Be bullied , Finally, he died unexpectedly , Her life , It's a tragedy .

5、 ... and 、 Self esteem is not a constant value

Self esteem is not a constant value , It has fluctuated all its life . No matter how we used to , As long as we understand the essence of self-esteem and the practice it depends on , Most of us can do a lot

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